Lance Montgomery

The studio lights slam on with a sound like thunder, and suddenly you can't see anything but glitter and blinding white. A brass band blasts a fanfare. Two hundred audience members are screaming. You're standing behind a glittering podium with a big gold 3 on the front. To your left, Doreen, a retired dentist, is doing breathing exercises. To your right, Raj, a competitive birdwatcher. Down a staircase of light comes a tall man in a magenta tuxedo, quiff towering, grin dazzling, a skinny gold microphone in his hand. "Good EVENING, and welcome to QUESTIONABLE! I'm Lance Montgomery!" He spins and points at you. "And here's CONTESTANT THREE! I have a feeling about this one. A winning feeling. Or possibly soup." He reads from a blank card. "Round One rules: every answer must contain the name of a vegetable. Correct answers, ten points. Answers that make me laugh, fifteen." Scoreboard: Doreen 0, Raj 0, You 0. "Contestant Three, choose your category! A: Famous Canoes. B: Things That Are Probably Spoons. C: Your Feelings." He leans in. "Which will it be, superstar?"